"Well, I love a rainy night. I love a rainy night. I love to hear the thunder, watch the lightning as is lights up the sky. You know it makes me feel good."
Ah, the simple words of Eddie Rabbitt. This song has and always will remind me of my dad. He loves this song and I can almost hear him whistling slightly out of tune when it comes on the radio. From a very early age I can remember my dad giddy with excitement when a thunderstorm rolled around. You could find him directly in the middle of the driveway, just under the patio roof, watching the "light show". It would scare us to death thinking that one night he may actually get struck by the blue streaks bolting down from the sky. But Dad had no fear. He would just watch in amazement at the beautiful night God created just for him.
Dad has taught me a lot through the years...more than how to enjoy a thunderstorm. He's taught me to follow my dreams and to make sure those dreams coincided with what God wanted for me. Thus, he taught me pray, to put my trust in God, and to follow Jesus.
When I was four years old, I walked out of the house and into my dad's workshop where I knew he'd be working on something interesting. I'm not sure, but I think he was carving a block of wood. I shyly peaked around the door to where he was sitting. He looked up and saw me standing there in my pajamas. He told me I could come in and I took my seat on his lap. I'm not sure exactly how we got on the subject but Dad asked me if I wanted to ask Jesus into my heart. He explained salvation to me in a way that made a lot of sense. So, we prayed that sacred prayer and I asked Jesus into my heart. It was a pretty incredible moment. I'm blessed beyond words that I got to share that moment with my dad.
We've shared many moments as father and daughter. Some scary, some funny, some sad, but through it all, I've always known that he loved me. This man, strong in his faith, always was able to show us that he loved us and that God loved us. My brother and I couldn't have asked for a better dad. We are blessed. And, Dad, we love you. To me, and I'm sure to Jason, you are a great example of what a father is supposed to be. I pray that we're able to share more rainy nights and sunny days. This is for you, Dad! Happy Father's Day!
"Showers washed all my cares away. I wake up to a sunny day 'cos I love a rainy night. Yeah, I love a rainy night."
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Monday, March 25, 2013
Live Like That
"Sometimes I think, 'What will people say of me, when I'm only just a memory, when I'm home where my soul belongs?' Was I love when no one else would show up? Was I Jesus to the least of those? Was my worship more than just a song?" - Sidewalk Prophets
These past few weeks have been a challenge for me. It started with the passing of my uncle. When I received the news, I immediately tried to figure out how I could get to Ohio to be with my family. After much counsel from friends and family, I decided it was best for me to stay put. I had a lot of school work to complete, tests to study for, and a move coming up the next weekend. The day after, Friday, I had fought with myself about whether or not to brave the snow, skip class on Monday and drive up. However, something was holding me back from going. Once I'd finally been given peace about the issue, I was able to focus on getting my school work done. However, Monday morning, I'd arrived at class only to find that it had been canceled. I thought, "Unbelievable! I could have gone to Ohio without missing class and the test had been put off until after Spring Break!" I was pretty upset. Driving home from school, I listened to a couple songs from my WOW 2013 CD. Those songs always hit me at the right time...and they hit me hard. I realized that God's plan wasn't for me to go to Ohio. I still don't know the reason and I may never know. I have a feeling that I may have gotten stuck or even had an accident if I'd have gone since I'm not a pro at driving in the snow. God was watching over me and though it took a bit for me to calm down, I did and don't have any regrets.
That week was going to end with moving to a new apartment. I had been so wrapped up in school that by the end of the week I hadn't packed a thing. Sara had done as much as she could but we were planning on getting most of the packing done Thursday night and Friday. Sara had Friday off work and this seemed like a great plan. Once again, God had other plans in mind. Wednesday it snowed almost all day. Therefore, classes were canceled and Sara got to stay home from work. You'd have thought that it would have been a great day to pack but we found ourselves running out of packing tape and no safe way to get to the store to purchase more. Sara packed as much as she could and I studied. Towards the end of the evening, Sara's brother had decided to come over Thursday so that we could take him to the bus station for him to travel to South Carolina. With him, he would bring packing tape. Things were looking up.
Thursday brought with it another canceled class so I thought I'd sleep in. Sara went out early to scrape the ice off her car and wait for her brother to arrive. Apparently, ice forms on the sidewalks after it snows (who'd a thunk it?) and Sara slipped in front of her car while trying to clean it off. She called me from the parking lot with a frantic voice. I jumped out of bed... literally...threw on my boots and jacket and ran out the door. Sara was standing next to her car, being held up by the open door. She yelled out a warning for me to watch out for the ice. Adrenaline was already pumping so I ignored her instructions. And...down I went. I sprang back up as if nothing happened and made my way to Sara. We got back into the apartment and I made myself a little more presentable to take her to the doctor. By this time, her parents and brother showed up. We decided her brother could take her car to work and I would drive Sara to the doctor since there was no way she would be able to drive. Everything after that went pretty smoothly. Patient First got us in quickly, took an x-ray of her back, and cleaned up her scrapped wrist. I got her back home and then went to the pharmacy to get her medication. She insisted on packing but thankfully, the pills took effect and she spent the rest of the day in bed. Meanwhile, I still had Spanish to get through. As I was sitting in class, I felt all the pain I should have felt after my fall. It's a good thing the doctor gives out more pills than one would actually need. I got home, made dinner, and took her brother to the bus station. After arriving home once again, I snagged some of those wonder drugs and felt fast asleep.
The next morning proved difficult to get out of bed but it was time for the real packing to begin. We accomplished quite a bit and Sara was feeling better. We packed pretty much all day but there was still a lot to do. Saturday morning we picked up the U-Haul. Thankfully, Sara's parents were at the apartment when we got back with the truck and her aunt and cousins weren't far behind. They all worked hard to get everything in the truck and off to the new apartment. We made it in two trips and were finally ready to call it a day. Our first night in our new place was spent by passing out around 8:30 pm. Unfortunately, we missed church Sunday morning but we still had to clean our old apartment and get the keys back to management. The day went by quickly but we managed to get the apartment cleaned...minus the stain in the carpet from the gigantic aquarium (another story for another day).
Most of my Spring Break was spent trying to organize the new place even though I had plans of catching up on school work. It wasn't easy for me being the OCD person that I am. The whole week I felt as if I was living in chaos. It was hard for me to even breathe. This type of situation bring with it depression, anxiety, and a feeling of worthlessness for me. It's something I'm not proud of but not sure how to control.
All of this brought me to a conclusion. I remembered an email I'd received from a good friend after she'd read my prior blog about my uncle. She said, "You and I can only hope that someone will write kind words about us when we go see God, right? And so we have to love, be kind, laugh and share life with those we love." These words hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I know that I haven't been showing God's love for the last few weeks. I've been angry and taking it out on those closest to me. I'm ashamed of the ways I've been acting and words I've said. I know that I can't take any of it back but I can change the way I act in the future with God's grace and understanding. He's forgiven me and I need to accept His forgiveness. It's time for me to start living with His light in me so that others can see how amazing He is and how He can change a heart to love as He loves.
"Am I proof that You are who You say You are? That grace can really change a heart? Do I live like your love is true? People pass and even if they don't know my name, is there evidence that I've been changed? When they see me, do they see You? I want to live like that and give it all I have so that everything I say and do points to You." - Sidewalk Prophets
These past few weeks have been a challenge for me. It started with the passing of my uncle. When I received the news, I immediately tried to figure out how I could get to Ohio to be with my family. After much counsel from friends and family, I decided it was best for me to stay put. I had a lot of school work to complete, tests to study for, and a move coming up the next weekend. The day after, Friday, I had fought with myself about whether or not to brave the snow, skip class on Monday and drive up. However, something was holding me back from going. Once I'd finally been given peace about the issue, I was able to focus on getting my school work done. However, Monday morning, I'd arrived at class only to find that it had been canceled. I thought, "Unbelievable! I could have gone to Ohio without missing class and the test had been put off until after Spring Break!" I was pretty upset. Driving home from school, I listened to a couple songs from my WOW 2013 CD. Those songs always hit me at the right time...and they hit me hard. I realized that God's plan wasn't for me to go to Ohio. I still don't know the reason and I may never know. I have a feeling that I may have gotten stuck or even had an accident if I'd have gone since I'm not a pro at driving in the snow. God was watching over me and though it took a bit for me to calm down, I did and don't have any regrets.
That week was going to end with moving to a new apartment. I had been so wrapped up in school that by the end of the week I hadn't packed a thing. Sara had done as much as she could but we were planning on getting most of the packing done Thursday night and Friday. Sara had Friday off work and this seemed like a great plan. Once again, God had other plans in mind. Wednesday it snowed almost all day. Therefore, classes were canceled and Sara got to stay home from work. You'd have thought that it would have been a great day to pack but we found ourselves running out of packing tape and no safe way to get to the store to purchase more. Sara packed as much as she could and I studied. Towards the end of the evening, Sara's brother had decided to come over Thursday so that we could take him to the bus station for him to travel to South Carolina. With him, he would bring packing tape. Things were looking up.
Thursday brought with it another canceled class so I thought I'd sleep in. Sara went out early to scrape the ice off her car and wait for her brother to arrive. Apparently, ice forms on the sidewalks after it snows (who'd a thunk it?) and Sara slipped in front of her car while trying to clean it off. She called me from the parking lot with a frantic voice. I jumped out of bed... literally...threw on my boots and jacket and ran out the door. Sara was standing next to her car, being held up by the open door. She yelled out a warning for me to watch out for the ice. Adrenaline was already pumping so I ignored her instructions. And...down I went. I sprang back up as if nothing happened and made my way to Sara. We got back into the apartment and I made myself a little more presentable to take her to the doctor. By this time, her parents and brother showed up. We decided her brother could take her car to work and I would drive Sara to the doctor since there was no way she would be able to drive. Everything after that went pretty smoothly. Patient First got us in quickly, took an x-ray of her back, and cleaned up her scrapped wrist. I got her back home and then went to the pharmacy to get her medication. She insisted on packing but thankfully, the pills took effect and she spent the rest of the day in bed. Meanwhile, I still had Spanish to get through. As I was sitting in class, I felt all the pain I should have felt after my fall. It's a good thing the doctor gives out more pills than one would actually need. I got home, made dinner, and took her brother to the bus station. After arriving home once again, I snagged some of those wonder drugs and felt fast asleep.
The next morning proved difficult to get out of bed but it was time for the real packing to begin. We accomplished quite a bit and Sara was feeling better. We packed pretty much all day but there was still a lot to do. Saturday morning we picked up the U-Haul. Thankfully, Sara's parents were at the apartment when we got back with the truck and her aunt and cousins weren't far behind. They all worked hard to get everything in the truck and off to the new apartment. We made it in two trips and were finally ready to call it a day. Our first night in our new place was spent by passing out around 8:30 pm. Unfortunately, we missed church Sunday morning but we still had to clean our old apartment and get the keys back to management. The day went by quickly but we managed to get the apartment cleaned...minus the stain in the carpet from the gigantic aquarium (another story for another day).
Most of my Spring Break was spent trying to organize the new place even though I had plans of catching up on school work. It wasn't easy for me being the OCD person that I am. The whole week I felt as if I was living in chaos. It was hard for me to even breathe. This type of situation bring with it depression, anxiety, and a feeling of worthlessness for me. It's something I'm not proud of but not sure how to control.
All of this brought me to a conclusion. I remembered an email I'd received from a good friend after she'd read my prior blog about my uncle. She said, "You and I can only hope that someone will write kind words about us when we go see God, right? And so we have to love, be kind, laugh and share life with those we love." These words hit me like a ton of bricks this week. I know that I haven't been showing God's love for the last few weeks. I've been angry and taking it out on those closest to me. I'm ashamed of the ways I've been acting and words I've said. I know that I can't take any of it back but I can change the way I act in the future with God's grace and understanding. He's forgiven me and I need to accept His forgiveness. It's time for me to start living with His light in me so that others can see how amazing He is and how He can change a heart to love as He loves.
"Am I proof that You are who You say You are? That grace can really change a heart? Do I live like your love is true? People pass and even if they don't know my name, is there evidence that I've been changed? When they see me, do they see You? I want to live like that and give it all I have so that everything I say and do points to You." - Sidewalk Prophets
Friday, March 1, 2013
Dancing With The Angels
"You had love for your family, love for all people, love for the Father and Son. Your heart will be heard in your unspoken words through generations to come." - Monk & Neagle
Yesterday Heaven gained another angel, my uncle Vernon. When I read the news, I couldn't hold back the tears. I wept as I sat at my computer and I prayed. I asked God to comfort my family and bring peace. He did just that and is continuing to do so.
As I sat here pondering whether or not to go to my Spanish class last night, He gave me the strength to get up. I went in a little early so I could speak with my Spanish professor about the recent event. Upon arrival, I came into her office and she greeted me with "¡Hola, Carrie! ¿Cómo estás?" I responded, "Estoy muy triste." When she saw the tears start to fall, she looked as if she was going to cry, too. We spoke about Uncle Vernon and how much he meant to me. We talked about some of the wonderful memories I have of him. We talked about God's grace and how much of a comfort it is to know that Uncle Vernon is with Him now. I was and still am overwhelmed by the compassion and gentleness my Spanish professor showed me yesterday in her office. The way Christ worked through her, giving her the right words to say to me, got me through class.
During class, I received a phone call from a close friend in my small group. She was just checking on me to see how I was doing. I got the message after class and started crying again. I sent her a text message a little later to see if we could talk or get together today. She came through as always and met me before she had to go to work this morning. Once again, I saw God at work, giving Sally the right words to say to comfort me. I'm incredibly blessed that God has placed people in my life that truly care about me. They hurt when I hurt, they laugh when I laugh, they pray for me without me even having to ask.
I'd like to share a little about my uncle. He was my great uncle, my grandfather's little brother. Yesterday would have been my grandfather's 100th birthday. He got the best birthday present ever by having his brother join him. I don't remember a lot about my grandpa because he passed away when I was about to turn four. I'm sure I'd met my uncle before but I don't have much of a memory of him until I was around 10 or 11. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Bea came from Ohio to Phoenix for a visit and I remember being very excited to spend time with them. One day we'd gone to a festival of some sort and Uncle Vernon wanted to take me on a very tall, scary looking ride. I was just tall enough to get on this ferris wheel contraption with spinning cages. Uncle Vernon assured me that I would be alright. We climbed into a cage and off we went. I'm pretty sure Uncle Vernon had a better time than I did since he was at the controls, turning that cage around and around until I thought I was going to be sick. He was laughing the whole time. It must run in the family because my dad did the same thing to me on a ride at the State Fair. Anyway, we survived the ride. I was a bit wobbly afterwards but I think Uncle Vernon wanted to go again. He was like a big kid and I admire him for letting the child in him come out even though he was an "old man".
Since then, my family and I had been out many times to Ohio for visits. One time we'd gone back to help get another uncle's house ready for auction. We'd only been there a few days, staying with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Bea, when the phone rang just as we were getting ready to turn in. We'd gotten news that my grandma Stuckey had passed away. My uncle came over and held me so close to him I thought my head would pop off, but I didn't mind. He was comforting me and making sure I knew he loved me.
I will never forget Uncle Vernon's strength, wisdom, smirks when he was being funny, poking us with his cane, and his love for the Lord and his family. I will miss him terribly, but I know that I will see him again one day. On that day, we'll have the best Stuckey family reunion ever! Until then, he'll be in my heart and in the hearts of all the lives he's touched. Thank you, Uncle Vernon for the time you've spent here on earth with us. We love you and we'll see you soon.
"We're only here for such a short time so I'm gonna stand up, shout out, and sing Hallelujah. One day I'll see you again. You're dancing with the angels, walking in new life. You're dancing with the angels. Heaven fills your eyes now that you're dancing with angels." - Monk & Neagle
Yesterday Heaven gained another angel, my uncle Vernon. When I read the news, I couldn't hold back the tears. I wept as I sat at my computer and I prayed. I asked God to comfort my family and bring peace. He did just that and is continuing to do so.
As I sat here pondering whether or not to go to my Spanish class last night, He gave me the strength to get up. I went in a little early so I could speak with my Spanish professor about the recent event. Upon arrival, I came into her office and she greeted me with "¡Hola, Carrie! ¿Cómo estás?" I responded, "Estoy muy triste." When she saw the tears start to fall, she looked as if she was going to cry, too. We spoke about Uncle Vernon and how much he meant to me. We talked about some of the wonderful memories I have of him. We talked about God's grace and how much of a comfort it is to know that Uncle Vernon is with Him now. I was and still am overwhelmed by the compassion and gentleness my Spanish professor showed me yesterday in her office. The way Christ worked through her, giving her the right words to say to me, got me through class.
During class, I received a phone call from a close friend in my small group. She was just checking on me to see how I was doing. I got the message after class and started crying again. I sent her a text message a little later to see if we could talk or get together today. She came through as always and met me before she had to go to work this morning. Once again, I saw God at work, giving Sally the right words to say to comfort me. I'm incredibly blessed that God has placed people in my life that truly care about me. They hurt when I hurt, they laugh when I laugh, they pray for me without me even having to ask.
I'd like to share a little about my uncle. He was my great uncle, my grandfather's little brother. Yesterday would have been my grandfather's 100th birthday. He got the best birthday present ever by having his brother join him. I don't remember a lot about my grandpa because he passed away when I was about to turn four. I'm sure I'd met my uncle before but I don't have much of a memory of him until I was around 10 or 11. Uncle Vernon and Aunt Bea came from Ohio to Phoenix for a visit and I remember being very excited to spend time with them. One day we'd gone to a festival of some sort and Uncle Vernon wanted to take me on a very tall, scary looking ride. I was just tall enough to get on this ferris wheel contraption with spinning cages. Uncle Vernon assured me that I would be alright. We climbed into a cage and off we went. I'm pretty sure Uncle Vernon had a better time than I did since he was at the controls, turning that cage around and around until I thought I was going to be sick. He was laughing the whole time. It must run in the family because my dad did the same thing to me on a ride at the State Fair. Anyway, we survived the ride. I was a bit wobbly afterwards but I think Uncle Vernon wanted to go again. He was like a big kid and I admire him for letting the child in him come out even though he was an "old man".
Since then, my family and I had been out many times to Ohio for visits. One time we'd gone back to help get another uncle's house ready for auction. We'd only been there a few days, staying with Uncle Vernon and Aunt Bea, when the phone rang just as we were getting ready to turn in. We'd gotten news that my grandma Stuckey had passed away. My uncle came over and held me so close to him I thought my head would pop off, but I didn't mind. He was comforting me and making sure I knew he loved me.
I will never forget Uncle Vernon's strength, wisdom, smirks when he was being funny, poking us with his cane, and his love for the Lord and his family. I will miss him terribly, but I know that I will see him again one day. On that day, we'll have the best Stuckey family reunion ever! Until then, he'll be in my heart and in the hearts of all the lives he's touched. Thank you, Uncle Vernon for the time you've spent here on earth with us. We love you and we'll see you soon.
"We're only here for such a short time so I'm gonna stand up, shout out, and sing Hallelujah. One day I'll see you again. You're dancing with the angels, walking in new life. You're dancing with the angels. Heaven fills your eyes now that you're dancing with angels." - Monk & Neagle
Monday, December 31, 2012
You Never Let Go
"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out all fear. And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back. I know You are near. And I will fear no evil for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?" - Matt Redman
As I sit here at my computer on this New Year's Eve day, memories of 2012 are flooding through my mind. I don't recall everything that happened but I remember most of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were moments that captured my heart, memories that will always make me smile, and reflections of complete terror. I've made new friends, started college all over again, and grown closer to God through all of it.
2012 started off just as any other year has for the most part. I really don't remember much of the winter accept our first snow arriving around the end of January. I had a little bit of temporary work throughout the spring and into the beginning of summer. In June, I visited my brother in California and we all drove to Phoenix in July to visit with our parents and to witness my brother graduating with a Bachelor's from University of Phoenix. There was a health scare with my mom but everything turned out great thanks to many prayers and the grace of God.
During the summer, I'd received news that I had been awarded financial aid to attend John Tyler Community College. I don't remember ever wanting...really wanting to go to school but I was so excited to get started. I began in August and it's truly been amazing. I first thought I was too old to go back to school but with an incredible support system, I've conquered that fear. In fact, I received all A's last semester for the first time in my life. I hope to continue that trend into 2013 and beyond.
In September, the country remembered 9/11. October brought a mad-man that went into a movie theater in Colorado, killing 12 people and wounding 58. Later in October, Hurricane Sandy devastated parts of New Jersey and New York. In November, we voted in the Presidential election and were inundated with more commercials for the event than ever before. On December 12, 28 people died after a 20 year-old young man entered Sandy Hook Elementary School armed with a couple guns and a lot of rage. The one common factor all of these events have is that God was watching. With the exception of the election (but ya never know), God's heart was breaking along with ours. So let's praise God for being with us through these tragic times instead of blaming Him for them. We have nothing to fear in this life because God is with us. Even though we all go through hard times (some harder than others), who would we be if we didn't go through them? The hard stuff helps us learn lessons, makes us stronger, and many times it brings us closer to God.
Now for some happier moments...
I arrived home yesterday morning from spending Christmas with my family in Arizona. I couldn't have pictured a more amazing time surrounded by my loved ones. I was blown away at how each member of my family accepted Sara as part of our family. It was the first time we'd visited Phoenix together and stayed at my parent's home. We were both a little nervous as to how everything would go. However, once we saw my parents waiting on the curb of the airport to pick us up, all of my fears washed away. Both Mom and Dad gave each of us a big hug and welcomed us. It was a moment that I won't forget. I was witness to my parents love for God by the way they loved on us for the whole ten days we were together.
While in Phoenix, Sara got to meet my brother, his wife, and my nephew for the first time. Nico (my nephew) fell in love with Sara. Every time she would greet him, he'd smile and giggle. At one point, he even let her hold him while his eyes got heavy after she'd walked with him around the house. Yep, he's starting to walk (with some assistance). It was one of the sweetest experiences of our trip. Our toughest task was saying goodbye. Sara left on Christmas night and Nico gave her "cabesita" (meaning 'little head'), this is when Nico puts his head against her's (his version of giving kisses), before he went to bed. We both teared up with Nico's adorable actions. As we went to my parent's car to put Sara's bag in the trunk, everyone gave Sara a hug goodbye and the tears almost started again. I think she had a great time.
The day after Christmas, it was my brother's turn to go back home. We had a wonderful lunch at NYPD Pizza (something I wish we had in VA) and Nico charmed the waitresses as usual. We got all their stuff packed in their car and a sleepy Nico gave us all "cabesitas" before they left. I swear, that kid has made me more emotional than I've ever been. I'm a very blessed auntie! The rest of the day was a little sad as we all wished for just one more day together.
Thursday was off to a great start as I got to have a nice visit with a friend and a fabulous lunch at Comedor Gudalajara (probably never going to get in VA). Afterwards I stopped in to see my former boss in her new environment. We talked for quite a while and I'm overwhelmed with the blessings in each of our lives we were able to reflect on. She says she's inspired by me but I hope she knows that she's a part of who I am today. Thank you, Teresa, for making me say out loud "I'm worth it" all those times I thought you were a little nuts. I love you.
Friday, my mom and I went to visit my aunt in Tempe. As I get older and since I've become an aunt myself, I'm learning to cherish every moment I have with her. I don't get to see her often and email just isn't the same. We all had a great time catching up and I thank God for the opportunity to do so. After getting back to my parent's house, it was off I went again. I was able to spend my last evening in Phoenix with some of my best guy friends (my boys). We played some darts (I won 3 games in a row. Sorry David.) and drank a few beers at an old hang-out. The laughter and time together was much needed. My boys rock!
I was supposed to leave Saturday morning but due to weather, my connecting flight had been canceled. So, I called the airline and was able to get an overnight flight with a connection that would have me home Sunday mid-morning. All I can say is that Newark's airport was a nightmare. And after my first flight from Phoenix, sitting in the middle, between a older lady with her elbow in my rib cage and a Hell's Angel with the need for both armrests and a shot of vodka, I wasn't in the mood to deal with a drafty terminal in below freezing temperatures. Unfortunately, there's more to this story that wasn't pleasant but at least I can laugh about it now...sort of.
So as 2012 comes to an end, know that God is with you, He loves you, and that you are blessed. Don't let fear come between you and living your life. God keeps His promises and since He is with us, we have nothing to fear for we will see Him on our final day. Finally, tell those that are your friends and family how much you love them and then really love them. Let the light of Jesus shine from within and people will see Him in you.
"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me. And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that hold on, a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on earth." - Matt Redman
As I sit here at my computer on this New Year's Eve day, memories of 2012 are flooding through my mind. I don't recall everything that happened but I remember most of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were moments that captured my heart, memories that will always make me smile, and reflections of complete terror. I've made new friends, started college all over again, and grown closer to God through all of it.
2012 started off just as any other year has for the most part. I really don't remember much of the winter accept our first snow arriving around the end of January. I had a little bit of temporary work throughout the spring and into the beginning of summer. In June, I visited my brother in California and we all drove to Phoenix in July to visit with our parents and to witness my brother graduating with a Bachelor's from University of Phoenix. There was a health scare with my mom but everything turned out great thanks to many prayers and the grace of God.
During the summer, I'd received news that I had been awarded financial aid to attend John Tyler Community College. I don't remember ever wanting...really wanting to go to school but I was so excited to get started. I began in August and it's truly been amazing. I first thought I was too old to go back to school but with an incredible support system, I've conquered that fear. In fact, I received all A's last semester for the first time in my life. I hope to continue that trend into 2013 and beyond.
In September, the country remembered 9/11. October brought a mad-man that went into a movie theater in Colorado, killing 12 people and wounding 58. Later in October, Hurricane Sandy devastated parts of New Jersey and New York. In November, we voted in the Presidential election and were inundated with more commercials for the event than ever before. On December 12, 28 people died after a 20 year-old young man entered Sandy Hook Elementary School armed with a couple guns and a lot of rage. The one common factor all of these events have is that God was watching. With the exception of the election (but ya never know), God's heart was breaking along with ours. So let's praise God for being with us through these tragic times instead of blaming Him for them. We have nothing to fear in this life because God is with us. Even though we all go through hard times (some harder than others), who would we be if we didn't go through them? The hard stuff helps us learn lessons, makes us stronger, and many times it brings us closer to God.
Now for some happier moments...
I arrived home yesterday morning from spending Christmas with my family in Arizona. I couldn't have pictured a more amazing time surrounded by my loved ones. I was blown away at how each member of my family accepted Sara as part of our family. It was the first time we'd visited Phoenix together and stayed at my parent's home. We were both a little nervous as to how everything would go. However, once we saw my parents waiting on the curb of the airport to pick us up, all of my fears washed away. Both Mom and Dad gave each of us a big hug and welcomed us. It was a moment that I won't forget. I was witness to my parents love for God by the way they loved on us for the whole ten days we were together.
While in Phoenix, Sara got to meet my brother, his wife, and my nephew for the first time. Nico (my nephew) fell in love with Sara. Every time she would greet him, he'd smile and giggle. At one point, he even let her hold him while his eyes got heavy after she'd walked with him around the house. Yep, he's starting to walk (with some assistance). It was one of the sweetest experiences of our trip. Our toughest task was saying goodbye. Sara left on Christmas night and Nico gave her "cabesita" (meaning 'little head'), this is when Nico puts his head against her's (his version of giving kisses), before he went to bed. We both teared up with Nico's adorable actions. As we went to my parent's car to put Sara's bag in the trunk, everyone gave Sara a hug goodbye and the tears almost started again. I think she had a great time.
The day after Christmas, it was my brother's turn to go back home. We had a wonderful lunch at NYPD Pizza (something I wish we had in VA) and Nico charmed the waitresses as usual. We got all their stuff packed in their car and a sleepy Nico gave us all "cabesitas" before they left. I swear, that kid has made me more emotional than I've ever been. I'm a very blessed auntie! The rest of the day was a little sad as we all wished for just one more day together.
Thursday was off to a great start as I got to have a nice visit with a friend and a fabulous lunch at Comedor Gudalajara (probably never going to get in VA). Afterwards I stopped in to see my former boss in her new environment. We talked for quite a while and I'm overwhelmed with the blessings in each of our lives we were able to reflect on. She says she's inspired by me but I hope she knows that she's a part of who I am today. Thank you, Teresa, for making me say out loud "I'm worth it" all those times I thought you were a little nuts. I love you.
Friday, my mom and I went to visit my aunt in Tempe. As I get older and since I've become an aunt myself, I'm learning to cherish every moment I have with her. I don't get to see her often and email just isn't the same. We all had a great time catching up and I thank God for the opportunity to do so. After getting back to my parent's house, it was off I went again. I was able to spend my last evening in Phoenix with some of my best guy friends (my boys). We played some darts (I won 3 games in a row. Sorry David.) and drank a few beers at an old hang-out. The laughter and time together was much needed. My boys rock!
I was supposed to leave Saturday morning but due to weather, my connecting flight had been canceled. So, I called the airline and was able to get an overnight flight with a connection that would have me home Sunday mid-morning. All I can say is that Newark's airport was a nightmare. And after my first flight from Phoenix, sitting in the middle, between a older lady with her elbow in my rib cage and a Hell's Angel with the need for both armrests and a shot of vodka, I wasn't in the mood to deal with a drafty terminal in below freezing temperatures. Unfortunately, there's more to this story that wasn't pleasant but at least I can laugh about it now...sort of.
So as 2012 comes to an end, know that God is with you, He loves you, and that you are blessed. Don't let fear come between you and living your life. God keeps His promises and since He is with us, we have nothing to fear for we will see Him on our final day. Finally, tell those that are your friends and family how much you love them and then really love them. Let the light of Jesus shine from within and people will see Him in you.
"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me. And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that hold on, a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on earth." - Matt Redman
Sunday, December 9, 2012
Blessings
"We pray for blessings, we pray for peace, comfort for family, protection while we sleep. We pray for healing, for prosperity. We pray for your mighty hand to ease our suffering. And all the while, You hear each spoken need, yet love us way too much to give us lesser things." - Laura Story
I haven't posted a blog in a couple weeks because I've been pretty busy with life. However, today I wanted to pause, to breathe, to take time to share, and to let everyone know how awesome God has been and continues to be.
This blog started out as a journal of sorts, a way to get my thoughts into writing. Then it morphed into an English assignment with more of a purpose behind it. After reading back through previous posts and comments, I find that I'm very blessed to have been given the ability to write and communicate clearly. I'm not a very talkative person so writing is my outlet and teaming up with music has made the blog somewhat of a hit. The blog as been a blessing to me and I hope a blessing to many of you readers. And to the readers, I want to say thank you for reading and thank you for your continuing support.
The past few weeks have brought many mixed emotions but I feel I've done a fairly good job at keeping my cool...for the most part. I give the credit to God. Along with the emotions running through me, I've also prayed...a lot! I don't know that I've ever prayed this much before. I've prayed for comfort of friends going through hard times, lonely times, sad times. I've prayed that God would help us find a place to live when our lease is up at the end of January. I prayed for safety while driving through a downpour while driving Sara home from work one night (my night vision is awful). Most of all, I've prayed that God would help me to give it all to Him, to put complete trust in Him, to let the small stuff go, and let the big stuff rest with Him. He's done what I've requested and I have found some peace.
Today, as Christmas draws closer and college finals even closer (they start tomorrow), I find myself stressed out. I've got a little too much on my plate but I know that God is with me and He won't let me down. Even though I know this fact, I almost burst into tears today. I don't know if it was the sermon at church, the news I got after church, or the hug from a dear friend that I missed seeing last week. Whatever it was it's still lingering. I suppose I'll just let it out tonight because maybe healing will come through tears.
I pray you all have a blessed week and if you need to cry, it's okay...you'll probably feel better afterwards.
"'Cause what if Your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?" - Laura Story
I haven't posted a blog in a couple weeks because I've been pretty busy with life. However, today I wanted to pause, to breathe, to take time to share, and to let everyone know how awesome God has been and continues to be.
This blog started out as a journal of sorts, a way to get my thoughts into writing. Then it morphed into an English assignment with more of a purpose behind it. After reading back through previous posts and comments, I find that I'm very blessed to have been given the ability to write and communicate clearly. I'm not a very talkative person so writing is my outlet and teaming up with music has made the blog somewhat of a hit. The blog as been a blessing to me and I hope a blessing to many of you readers. And to the readers, I want to say thank you for reading and thank you for your continuing support.
The past few weeks have brought many mixed emotions but I feel I've done a fairly good job at keeping my cool...for the most part. I give the credit to God. Along with the emotions running through me, I've also prayed...a lot! I don't know that I've ever prayed this much before. I've prayed for comfort of friends going through hard times, lonely times, sad times. I've prayed that God would help us find a place to live when our lease is up at the end of January. I prayed for safety while driving through a downpour while driving Sara home from work one night (my night vision is awful). Most of all, I've prayed that God would help me to give it all to Him, to put complete trust in Him, to let the small stuff go, and let the big stuff rest with Him. He's done what I've requested and I have found some peace.
Today, as Christmas draws closer and college finals even closer (they start tomorrow), I find myself stressed out. I've got a little too much on my plate but I know that God is with me and He won't let me down. Even though I know this fact, I almost burst into tears today. I don't know if it was the sermon at church, the news I got after church, or the hug from a dear friend that I missed seeing last week. Whatever it was it's still lingering. I suppose I'll just let it out tonight because maybe healing will come through tears.
I pray you all have a blessed week and if you need to cry, it's okay...you'll probably feel better afterwards.
"'Cause what if Your blessings come through rain drops? What if Your healing comes through tears? What if a thousand sleepless nights are what it takes to know You're near? What if my greatest disappointments or the aching of this life, is the revealing of a greater thirst this world can't satisfy? What if trials of this life are Your mercies in disguise?" - Laura Story
Friday, November 23, 2012
Mama
"Mama remember all my life you showed me love, you sacrificed. Think of those young and early days, how I've changed. And I know you believed. And I know you had dreams. And I'm sorry it took all this time to see that I am where I am because of your truth, and I miss you, yeah I miss you" - Il Divo
Last Thanksgiving I found out I was going to be an auntie and I cried tears of joy. I was finally able to experience what it was like to love completely a little stranger that I now proudly call my nephew. I can't speak of him without smiling. I can't look at a picture without unbelief that he is a part of our family. Even though he was adopted and none of my family got to experience his birth, it's not possible to love him any more than we do had he been our own flesh and blood. We had waited so long for his arrival but God's timing is perfect. He knew when we'd be ready and He knew which little guy would be a perfect fit for us.
Nicolas was born November 16, 2011 (6 weeks premature), my brother and his wife received the news that they'd be parents on November 24, 2011, and they brought Nico home on November 27, 2011. His adoption was final the end of August and we couldn't be happier. Auntie's little man turned 1 year old last week and was able to celebrate in Peru with my sister-in-law's family. The Arizona family gets to celebrate with him this Saturday. I wish I could be there to see how much he's grown and to play with him before I get to decrepit to get on the floor with him. I will have to wait until Christmas when Sara and I fly out to celebrate with the family. I can't wait!
This Thanksgiving I learned that my best friend's mother had a massive stroke and passed away Wednesday afternoon and I cried tears of sorrow. My heart hurts for him and his family. Jeff has gone through so many trials in his life and it seems much more in the past few years. His strength amazes me and I'm pretty sure he gets it from his mom.
Jeff's mom, Louise, was a beautiful soul. She had a huge heart and loved so many people...and animals. She was known for taking in strays and caring for them with all she had. Jeff is very much the same way. He hates to see animals or people in pain. I've known Jeff for about 15 years and he's always been there for me. I consider him a brother, part of my family. So you can understand how much it hurts for me to see him lose his mother.
Jeff, you're mother loved you so much and she was very proud of you. She handed down wonderful qualities to you that made you who you are today. The first time I met her, I could see you in her eyes. She was a blessing to the world and a blessing to all those that knew her. You, my friend, are a blessing as well. I don't know yet what it's like to lose a parent so I won't try to compare feelings. I do know that it hurts and I know that you probably have some conflicting feelings. I want you to know that I'm here to listen or be silent with you. I love you very much, brother.
"Mama I hope this makes you smile. I hope you're happy with my life, at peace with every choice I made, how I've changed along the way. 'Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams and I owe it all to you, Mama." -Il Divo
In honor of Jeff and in memory of Mama Louise
Last Thanksgiving I found out I was going to be an auntie and I cried tears of joy. I was finally able to experience what it was like to love completely a little stranger that I now proudly call my nephew. I can't speak of him without smiling. I can't look at a picture without unbelief that he is a part of our family. Even though he was adopted and none of my family got to experience his birth, it's not possible to love him any more than we do had he been our own flesh and blood. We had waited so long for his arrival but God's timing is perfect. He knew when we'd be ready and He knew which little guy would be a perfect fit for us.
Nicolas was born November 16, 2011 (6 weeks premature), my brother and his wife received the news that they'd be parents on November 24, 2011, and they brought Nico home on November 27, 2011. His adoption was final the end of August and we couldn't be happier. Auntie's little man turned 1 year old last week and was able to celebrate in Peru with my sister-in-law's family. The Arizona family gets to celebrate with him this Saturday. I wish I could be there to see how much he's grown and to play with him before I get to decrepit to get on the floor with him. I will have to wait until Christmas when Sara and I fly out to celebrate with the family. I can't wait!
This Thanksgiving I learned that my best friend's mother had a massive stroke and passed away Wednesday afternoon and I cried tears of sorrow. My heart hurts for him and his family. Jeff has gone through so many trials in his life and it seems much more in the past few years. His strength amazes me and I'm pretty sure he gets it from his mom.
Jeff's mom, Louise, was a beautiful soul. She had a huge heart and loved so many people...and animals. She was known for taking in strays and caring for them with all she had. Jeff is very much the same way. He hates to see animals or people in pain. I've known Jeff for about 15 years and he's always been there for me. I consider him a brother, part of my family. So you can understand how much it hurts for me to see him lose his mother.
Jeff, you're mother loved you so much and she was very proud of you. She handed down wonderful qualities to you that made you who you are today. The first time I met her, I could see you in her eyes. She was a blessing to the world and a blessing to all those that knew her. You, my friend, are a blessing as well. I don't know yet what it's like to lose a parent so I won't try to compare feelings. I do know that it hurts and I know that you probably have some conflicting feelings. I want you to know that I'm here to listen or be silent with you. I love you very much, brother.
"Mama I hope this makes you smile. I hope you're happy with my life, at peace with every choice I made, how I've changed along the way. 'Cause I know you believed in all of my dreams and I owe it all to you, Mama." -Il Divo
In honor of Jeff and in memory of Mama Louise
Sunday, November 18, 2012
Someone Worth Dying For
"Am I more than flesh and bone? Am I really something beautiful? Yeah, I wanna believe, I wanna believe that I'm not just some wandering soul, that You don't see and You don't know. Yeah, I wanna believe, Jesus help me believe that I am someone worth dying for." - Mikeschair
Sometimes it's hard to admit that I can still feel this way from time to time but it happens. I have thoughts of not feeling like I'm beautiful, feeling like I'm not living up to expectations, and wondering if God actually sees me as someone worth dying for. I think that, more than likely, a large majority of people feel the same way.
This past week had me pretty stressed out. Actually, I'm still stressed but at least one huge project is out of the way. I had to take a final test in my math class by Friday and at the beginning of the week, I was only half way done with my last module. That basically means I still had a long way to go before I could even attempt the final test. I worked only on math from Tuesday morning through Friday afternoon in order to get it finished. By Thursday night I was seeing formulas in my sleep. I did take a small break to go see Breaking Dawn Part II on Thursday (which was pretty awesome). Friday morning came early and I found myself back at my computer watching the math media files and doing the homework that accompanies them. I started to panic. I didn't think there was any possible way I'd get through all that work and still have time to drive to school to take the test. It's times like these where I find myself thinking very negatively towards myself. I'm just not smart enough. Maybe I should give up. I guess it's not going to work out this semester. I can't remember anything. I'm so stupid.
After beating myself down for a while, I felt God. He was tapping me on the shoulder. As I turned my eyes to Him, He reminded me that He was there. He saw what I was going through. He knew I was frustrated. Please don't think I'm crazy. I didn't actually see God or feel a tap on my shoulder but I knew He was there. You know that voice you hear when you want to give up but that darn voice won't let you? Yep, that's Him. I stopped what I was doing. I turned away from the computer. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started praying. I prayed for God to give me the stamina and wisdom to get through my work so I could get to the math lab and finish the module. In my hectic mind, I was still. It takes a lot for me to be still so this was challenging. In my stillness, I was able to focus. When I opened my eyes, I turned back to the computer, and I took the last quiz for the module before the test. I got a 91% on the first try. That almost never happens so I know that God got me through it.
I got dressed and made my way to the school where I would find a very full math lab. I guess everyone else had the same idea. As I sat down to take the test, I said a little prayer again. It wasn't anything big, just a small prayer for encouragement. When I was finished, I clicked the 'submit' button to see my results. I passed with an 84.5%. And don't ya know, I was mad at myself all over again. I'm not sure why I do that but I do. I got a very good over-all grade for the class but I couldn't help thinking that I could have done better.
The drive home seemed longer than normal even though I'm only 2 or 3 miles down the road from the school. As I heard this song while driving, "Someone Worth Dying For" play, I realized that I think this way a lot even though I know that Jesus died for EVERYONE, you and me! He knows that we're all special. He knows that we're all beautiful. He knows US and knew us before we were born. How amazing is that? This song reminded me that even if you or I don't feel that we're worth it, Jesus knows we are and that's what matters.
So if you're feeling down, watch this video. It may change the way you look at yourself.
Have a wonderful week and a blessed Thanksgiving.
"You're worth it, you can't earn it. Yeah, the Cross has proven that you're sacred and blameless. Your life has purpose. You are more than flesh and bone. Can't you see you're something beautiful? Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe. He wants you to see, He wants you to see that you're not just some wandering soul that can't be seen and can't be known. Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you are someone worth dying for." - Mikeschair
Sometimes it's hard to admit that I can still feel this way from time to time but it happens. I have thoughts of not feeling like I'm beautiful, feeling like I'm not living up to expectations, and wondering if God actually sees me as someone worth dying for. I think that, more than likely, a large majority of people feel the same way.
This past week had me pretty stressed out. Actually, I'm still stressed but at least one huge project is out of the way. I had to take a final test in my math class by Friday and at the beginning of the week, I was only half way done with my last module. That basically means I still had a long way to go before I could even attempt the final test. I worked only on math from Tuesday morning through Friday afternoon in order to get it finished. By Thursday night I was seeing formulas in my sleep. I did take a small break to go see Breaking Dawn Part II on Thursday (which was pretty awesome). Friday morning came early and I found myself back at my computer watching the math media files and doing the homework that accompanies them. I started to panic. I didn't think there was any possible way I'd get through all that work and still have time to drive to school to take the test. It's times like these where I find myself thinking very negatively towards myself. I'm just not smart enough. Maybe I should give up. I guess it's not going to work out this semester. I can't remember anything. I'm so stupid.
After beating myself down for a while, I felt God. He was tapping me on the shoulder. As I turned my eyes to Him, He reminded me that He was there. He saw what I was going through. He knew I was frustrated. Please don't think I'm crazy. I didn't actually see God or feel a tap on my shoulder but I knew He was there. You know that voice you hear when you want to give up but that darn voice won't let you? Yep, that's Him. I stopped what I was doing. I turned away from the computer. I closed my eyes, took a deep breath, and started praying. I prayed for God to give me the stamina and wisdom to get through my work so I could get to the math lab and finish the module. In my hectic mind, I was still. It takes a lot for me to be still so this was challenging. In my stillness, I was able to focus. When I opened my eyes, I turned back to the computer, and I took the last quiz for the module before the test. I got a 91% on the first try. That almost never happens so I know that God got me through it.
I got dressed and made my way to the school where I would find a very full math lab. I guess everyone else had the same idea. As I sat down to take the test, I said a little prayer again. It wasn't anything big, just a small prayer for encouragement. When I was finished, I clicked the 'submit' button to see my results. I passed with an 84.5%. And don't ya know, I was mad at myself all over again. I'm not sure why I do that but I do. I got a very good over-all grade for the class but I couldn't help thinking that I could have done better.
The drive home seemed longer than normal even though I'm only 2 or 3 miles down the road from the school. As I heard this song while driving, "Someone Worth Dying For" play, I realized that I think this way a lot even though I know that Jesus died for EVERYONE, you and me! He knows that we're all special. He knows that we're all beautiful. He knows US and knew us before we were born. How amazing is that? This song reminded me that even if you or I don't feel that we're worth it, Jesus knows we are and that's what matters.
So if you're feeling down, watch this video. It may change the way you look at yourself.
Have a wonderful week and a blessed Thanksgiving.
"You're worth it, you can't earn it. Yeah, the Cross has proven that you're sacred and blameless. Your life has purpose. You are more than flesh and bone. Can't you see you're something beautiful? Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe. He wants you to see, He wants you to see that you're not just some wandering soul that can't be seen and can't be known. Yeah, you gotta believe, you gotta believe that you are someone worth dying for." - Mikeschair
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