"I may not be every mother's dream for her little girl. And my face may not grace the mind of everyone in the world. But that's alright as long as I can have one wish, I pray. When people look inside my life, I wanna hear them say, she's got her Father's eyes." - Amy Grant
This week brought me to a place that was unexpected. A place that was out of my comfort zone. Oddly enough, this strange occurrence happened Tuesday, the day after my Monday night Bible study group. We just started studying the book of Jonah. Towards the end of the evening, we talked about life getting interrupted. We generally pass this off or overlook why the interruption happened. What we should be doing is taking the time to think about it. Was it just a phone call that came at a bad time for us, or was it a phone call that came with someone on the other end really needing our help? Did you pick up the phone or hit the ignore button? Maybe God put someone on your mind. Did you bother to follow up with that person or say 'I'll deal with them when I have the time?'
I guess you could say the study really got me thinking and I didn't even realize I what I was doing on Tuesday until after I did it. The week before last, my Math class was canceled because our instructor's mother was rushed to ICU. It was last minute and he couldn't find anyone to take over his class. At first, I thought, 'well at least I won't feel badly I had to miss class because of being sick.' Horrible, right? Yeah, God thought so, too, and He let me know that was not the right attitude to have. So I emailed my professor and let him know I would be praying for his mother. God really convicted me of not having His eyes, of not seeing that someone needed to be cared for, prayed for. Our professor wasn't there for the next class that week either but did have someone to take over for him. By this last Tuesday, he was back in class. I'd been diligently praying for my instructor and his mother the whole week. At the end of class, I walked over to him and asked him about his mother (I never do this). He told me she'd had a severe stroke but thankfully was out of ICU. I told him I was sorry and that I'd continue to pray. I patted him on the shoulder (also something I would never do) and he looked me directly in the eyes. His voice cracked as he said, 'thank you, I really appreciate that.'
As I walked down the stairs to my car, I quietly said my own thank you to God for giving me His eyes for that moment. I truly believe without God, I never would have approached that man, my professor. I would have let the fear and shyness take over and never said a word. But with God in control, anything is possible. He showed me that this week and I am forever grateful. I pray that He will continue to show me more. I know for this to happen, I continually have give Him complete control over my life. Easier said than done for me. I can be a control freak so learning to let go is difficult. After the experience this week, I want people to know me for having my Father's eyes. Anything else doesn't come close to how wonderful that would be.
"And when you're called to stand and say just what you saw in me, more than anything I know, I wan't your words to be, she had her Father's eyes, her Father's eyes. Eyes that found the good in things, when good was not around. Eyes that found the source of help, when help would not be found. Eyes full of compassion, seein' every pain. Knowin' what you're going through and feelin' it the same." - Amy Grant
Sunday, September 30, 2012
Saturday, September 22, 2012
Breathe
"I played the fool today. I just dream of vanishing into the crowd. Longing for home again. Home, is a feeling I buried in you. I'm alright, I'm alright. It only hurts when I breathe." - Greenwheel (covered by Melissa Etheridge)
The week has gone by pretty fast considering it started with bronchitis and missing one and a half days of school. I'm actually surprised at this fact. I expected to be "down with the sickness" (plug for the System of a Down fans) for quite a while. I suppose this time I knew what needed to be done to heal quicker. I drank about an ocean's worth of water and Gatorade.
With the fluids, rest, and various medications, I was ready to take on the Spanish test on Tuesday afternoon. I did a little better than expected and brought home an 89%. I figured that wasn't too bad considering I wasn't retaining much information at the time. Plus, I coughed my way through the majority of the exam. Don't worry, I had my little bottles of hand-sanitizer which I used every time I coughed or blew my nose. I wasn't looking to get anyone sick. I only wanted to take the test instead of getting a zero. It definitely wore me out by the time I got back home. The rest of the evening was spent trying to prepare for a math test on Thursday.
By Wednesday, I was starting to feel normal again. I still had a hard time breathing and needed to use the inhaler I was prescribed a few times. Other than that I had a pretty good day. I was surprised that I missed being at school. I had a full day on top of it but I genuinely enjoyed being there. Kinda funny how that works.
On Thursday I took my math final for my first module. For those that haven't experienced this type of math course...it's very odd. You get all your notes and teachings from videos via the Internet. From there you're able to do homework and take quizzes. It's interesting but maybe not the best way from some people, like me, to learn math. I've heard of a few others struggling with this type of course as well. I'm doing my best and have four more modules to go before I can get into the prerequisite I need for Nursing. So far, so good with a 91% on the first module test.
Thursday afternoon we went to Farmville to celebrate Sara's dad's birthday. We settled on Ruby Tuesdays for dinner which was excellent, by the way. I got the steak and lobster tail special, as did Sara's dad. We chose wisely. I can't believe that was one of the best lobsters I'd ever eaten. Either I've never had good lobster or Ruby Tuesdays knows what they're doing. After that it was back to her parent's house so Sara could say goodbye to the doggies. She was to leave the next morning for Kansas to visit a friend and wanted to make sure the dogs didn't feel left out if she didn't stop by (isn't that cute?). When we got back to our place, Sara informed me that she still needed to do some laundry and pack. I love getting this news at 10:30pm. *sarcasm* The good thing is that she took care of it and I got to go to bed. The bad news is that we had to be up at 4am to leave by 4:30am....to drive to Reagan National Airport...3 hours away.
Neither of us got very much sleep. My excuse was coughing plus the fact that I was still taking the steroids the doctor had given me to ease my lungs. Those darn things keep me so wired I can hardly blink. Sara was up doing laundry until about 12:30am and has also had some coughing issues. 4am came way too early but we managed to be out the door by around 4:45am. After a quick stop for breakfast in Ashland, it was onward to see if it was possible to beat morning traffic into D.C. Haha...so much for wishful thinking. The traffic started showing signs of slowing somewhere after Dumfries and really got slow after passing Springfield. I was afraid my clutch would burn out after all the stop-and-go. Luckily I got Sara to the airport in one piece...and on time. The really fun part would be the drive back home.
As I made my way around the airport to try and get out, my GPS got confused. No, really, it was all the GPS's fault. Even after yelling at him he still wouldn't recalculate fast enough. I thought about throwing him out the window but with my luck, someone would try to return it to me. Anyway, I finally made it safely out of airport traffic and directly into more rush hour traffic. I'm not a fan of traffic so I'm sure people passing me by at a snails pace got to see some wonderful animation from me (throwing hands in the air, screaming, rubbing forehead). I hope I made their morning commute entertaining. Once I could get my car up to fifth gear, it was smooth sailing. This turned out to be a dangerous thing because I caught myself falling asleep a few times. Yeah, I should have pulled over. I should have stopped to rest my eyes but I am my father's daughter and seem to be too stubborn to apply common sense. I was only thinking of getting home and getting back in bed. I did get home safely thanks to my now bald angels.
Home is a good place to be but I've noticed that it's not really home when the people you love aren't there with you. As much as Sara makes me crazy, I do miss her when she's not here. Usually it's the other way around for us. She drives me to the airport so I can visit my family and turns around to come back to an empty home. I guess I didn't really understand how she felt until I got to experience the journey to drop her off at the airport.
The song, "Breathe", mentioned above, has a couple meanings for this past week. Of course there's the obvious, it hurt for me to breathe because of the bronchitis. The other meaning is simply that my home is missing an important piece for the next few days and it won't feel like home until she's back.
"My window through which nothing hides and everything sees. I'm counting the signs and cursing the miles in between. Home...is a feeling I buried in you." -Greenwheel (covered by Melissa Etheridge)
The week has gone by pretty fast considering it started with bronchitis and missing one and a half days of school. I'm actually surprised at this fact. I expected to be "down with the sickness" (plug for the System of a Down fans) for quite a while. I suppose this time I knew what needed to be done to heal quicker. I drank about an ocean's worth of water and Gatorade.
With the fluids, rest, and various medications, I was ready to take on the Spanish test on Tuesday afternoon. I did a little better than expected and brought home an 89%. I figured that wasn't too bad considering I wasn't retaining much information at the time. Plus, I coughed my way through the majority of the exam. Don't worry, I had my little bottles of hand-sanitizer which I used every time I coughed or blew my nose. I wasn't looking to get anyone sick. I only wanted to take the test instead of getting a zero. It definitely wore me out by the time I got back home. The rest of the evening was spent trying to prepare for a math test on Thursday.
By Wednesday, I was starting to feel normal again. I still had a hard time breathing and needed to use the inhaler I was prescribed a few times. Other than that I had a pretty good day. I was surprised that I missed being at school. I had a full day on top of it but I genuinely enjoyed being there. Kinda funny how that works.
On Thursday I took my math final for my first module. For those that haven't experienced this type of math course...it's very odd. You get all your notes and teachings from videos via the Internet. From there you're able to do homework and take quizzes. It's interesting but maybe not the best way from some people, like me, to learn math. I've heard of a few others struggling with this type of course as well. I'm doing my best and have four more modules to go before I can get into the prerequisite I need for Nursing. So far, so good with a 91% on the first module test.
Thursday afternoon we went to Farmville to celebrate Sara's dad's birthday. We settled on Ruby Tuesdays for dinner which was excellent, by the way. I got the steak and lobster tail special, as did Sara's dad. We chose wisely. I can't believe that was one of the best lobsters I'd ever eaten. Either I've never had good lobster or Ruby Tuesdays knows what they're doing. After that it was back to her parent's house so Sara could say goodbye to the doggies. She was to leave the next morning for Kansas to visit a friend and wanted to make sure the dogs didn't feel left out if she didn't stop by (isn't that cute?). When we got back to our place, Sara informed me that she still needed to do some laundry and pack. I love getting this news at 10:30pm. *sarcasm* The good thing is that she took care of it and I got to go to bed. The bad news is that we had to be up at 4am to leave by 4:30am....to drive to Reagan National Airport...3 hours away.
Neither of us got very much sleep. My excuse was coughing plus the fact that I was still taking the steroids the doctor had given me to ease my lungs. Those darn things keep me so wired I can hardly blink. Sara was up doing laundry until about 12:30am and has also had some coughing issues. 4am came way too early but we managed to be out the door by around 4:45am. After a quick stop for breakfast in Ashland, it was onward to see if it was possible to beat morning traffic into D.C. Haha...so much for wishful thinking. The traffic started showing signs of slowing somewhere after Dumfries and really got slow after passing Springfield. I was afraid my clutch would burn out after all the stop-and-go. Luckily I got Sara to the airport in one piece...and on time. The really fun part would be the drive back home.
As I made my way around the airport to try and get out, my GPS got confused. No, really, it was all the GPS's fault. Even after yelling at him he still wouldn't recalculate fast enough. I thought about throwing him out the window but with my luck, someone would try to return it to me. Anyway, I finally made it safely out of airport traffic and directly into more rush hour traffic. I'm not a fan of traffic so I'm sure people passing me by at a snails pace got to see some wonderful animation from me (throwing hands in the air, screaming, rubbing forehead). I hope I made their morning commute entertaining. Once I could get my car up to fifth gear, it was smooth sailing. This turned out to be a dangerous thing because I caught myself falling asleep a few times. Yeah, I should have pulled over. I should have stopped to rest my eyes but I am my father's daughter and seem to be too stubborn to apply common sense. I was only thinking of getting home and getting back in bed. I did get home safely thanks to my now bald angels.
Home is a good place to be but I've noticed that it's not really home when the people you love aren't there with you. As much as Sara makes me crazy, I do miss her when she's not here. Usually it's the other way around for us. She drives me to the airport so I can visit my family and turns around to come back to an empty home. I guess I didn't really understand how she felt until I got to experience the journey to drop her off at the airport.
The song, "Breathe", mentioned above, has a couple meanings for this past week. Of course there's the obvious, it hurt for me to breathe because of the bronchitis. The other meaning is simply that my home is missing an important piece for the next few days and it won't feel like home until she's back.
"My window through which nothing hides and everything sees. I'm counting the signs and cursing the miles in between. Home...is a feeling I buried in you." -Greenwheel (covered by Melissa Etheridge)
Monday, September 17, 2012
Take You Back
"You'll take me back always. And even when my fight is over now. Even when my fight is over now, You'll take me back always. And even when my pain is coming through, even when my pain is coming through, You'll take me back always." -Jeremy Camp.
I'm a little late on this post and for that I apologize. Seems it's been a long month this week. In my trying to keep on top of my studies and personal life, I'm now paying the price. I have bronchitis.
Monday was a long day but ended up with a wonderful time sharing with my small group. We finished up our study in Philippians brought to us by Craig Groeschel via Internet. If you have a chance, check it out @ www.lifechurch.tv. This last chapter, chapter four, was about giving all your worries to God...and not taking them back. Sure, everyone has things they worry about, but why do we worry so much? Some things we can make an effort to change but most things are completely out of our control. After learning about this, I'm thinking of making (or getting) a "God box"...a box where I can write down what I'm worried about, place it in the box, and pray about it instead of worrying about it. Once the worry is placed in the box, there's no way to take it back (or get it out of the box). How awesome is this?
Tuesday through Wednesday found me trying to write an essay for English. It's been so long since I've written anything in an essay form. It got me a little stressed out. Yes, I prayed about it. It's not that I was worried but I guess I just wanted it to be perfect. After a few hours into it, I knew it wouldn't be perfect. I also know that I did my best and that makes being perfect not important. The important aspect was that I turned in a finished essay on time. Now comes the waiting for the grade...but no worries.
Thursday went by so fast that I can hardly remember what happened so I'll skip to Friday. I had a dentist appointment that seemed to go pretty well. Then it was off to get a new "do". Yep, it was time. My hair was getting to the awkward point where I started wearing a hat everyday. As much as I try to grow it out, once this stage hits, all I want to do is cut it off. So, back to the faux-hawk for me. I'm certainly no stylist but I can rock the faux-hawk.
By Saturday, I was pretty exhausted but managed to go find some new jeans for winter at the mall. I despise the mall...any mall. I suppose I'm the type that wants to get in and get out. I haven't found a mall yet that would accommodate me with this. Seriously, if the mall had stores that had a self-checkout, I'd be there all the time. The experience wasn't completely tragic, although, I did hit a minor snag. When I tried on my soon to be new jeans, I'd taken my phone and keys out of my pockets. After choosing which pairs I wanted, I put my old jeans back on and went to pay for my prize. I got checked out fairly quickly even though the sales clerk was trying to push a credit card at me. I decided then to see about finding a NY Giants shirt for me and a Jets shirt for Sara. After going to the other end of the mall, I didn't see a darn thing that would work. I guess that's what happens when you live in a state that loves their Redskins, Cowboys, and Steelers. What's a girl to do? I wandered back to the store I'd parked in front of and reached for my keys. Uh....keys...where did I put my....NO!!!! I'd left them in the dressing room. So there I went at a frantic speed-walking pace back to JC Penny praying to God that my keys were still there. Upon a breathless arrival, someone had occupied the dressing room I had used previously. I took a few deep breaths pondering what to do. I decided to check with Guest Services to see what they might have. What do ya know? My keys were sitting right there on the counter. Whew! I picked them up and jingled them a bit to get the clerks attention. She looked at me and said, "Yep, I knew she'd be back. Can't get very far with out those now can ya?" Haha..I suppose it's funny now but at the time I felt like coming over the counter and yelling, "Look lady, I have been all over this place today and I haven't eaten in about seven hours. You do not want to mess with me right now." But, I just thanked her and made my way back to my car.
Later in the afternoon, we drove out to Blackstone to celebrate Sara's brother's birthday. Ever since the "loosing my keys incident", I'd developed a bad headache. But I didn't want to miss out on the redneck volleyball games and all the delicious food that has fattened me up since moving here. This is most likely when the bronchitis was about to attack. After sitting out in the cold all night in shorts and a t-shirt and watching the antics of Binghamville volleyball, my headache started to dissipate but my chest began hurting. I figured I'd just need to get warmed up and get some sleep.
Sunday, it hit...hard...with a fury. I couldn't breathe, my chest felt as if someone was sitting on me, my head hurt a little, my body ached, and my nose was stuffy. I was upset that I'd miss church for the third week in a row but I didn't want to chance getting anyone sick. I tried to relax on the couch and drink plenty of water. Relaxing is hard to do when you're drinking so much. Every time I got back to the couch, I'd have to get right back up to use the bathroom. Anyway, Sara when off to hang out with some co-workers and watch football so I had the place to myself. I was okay until the chills set in. By that time, Sara walked through the door with a variety of soups and Gatorade. That's my girl! When she realized it was hot in the apartment and I was wrapped in a blanket, she knew it was serious. I'm always too hot and very rarely cold (it's an Arizona thing). She got me to eat some soup, take a shower, and then get dressed to go to Patient First. I can't stand that place but I knew it was serious enough that I needed to get some medication. I'll spare you all the details of the visit but I came out with a basket full of medicines and they even let us take a box of Kleenex.
That brings me to today, Monday again. I'm bummed that I had to stay home from classes but I know that I needed the rest. I hope I feel well enough to go tomorrow. There's Math and Spanish that I really don't want to miss.
I think God may be telling me to slow down and I'm going to try and be thankful for the time off. He does make all things work together for my good. Romans 8:28
"I can only speak with a grateful heart, as I'm pierced by the gift of Your love. I will always bring an offering. I can never thank You enough." Jeremy Camp
I'm a little late on this post and for that I apologize. Seems it's been a long month this week. In my trying to keep on top of my studies and personal life, I'm now paying the price. I have bronchitis.
Monday was a long day but ended up with a wonderful time sharing with my small group. We finished up our study in Philippians brought to us by Craig Groeschel via Internet. If you have a chance, check it out @ www.lifechurch.tv. This last chapter, chapter four, was about giving all your worries to God...and not taking them back. Sure, everyone has things they worry about, but why do we worry so much? Some things we can make an effort to change but most things are completely out of our control. After learning about this, I'm thinking of making (or getting) a "God box"...a box where I can write down what I'm worried about, place it in the box, and pray about it instead of worrying about it. Once the worry is placed in the box, there's no way to take it back (or get it out of the box). How awesome is this?
Tuesday through Wednesday found me trying to write an essay for English. It's been so long since I've written anything in an essay form. It got me a little stressed out. Yes, I prayed about it. It's not that I was worried but I guess I just wanted it to be perfect. After a few hours into it, I knew it wouldn't be perfect. I also know that I did my best and that makes being perfect not important. The important aspect was that I turned in a finished essay on time. Now comes the waiting for the grade...but no worries.
Thursday went by so fast that I can hardly remember what happened so I'll skip to Friday. I had a dentist appointment that seemed to go pretty well. Then it was off to get a new "do". Yep, it was time. My hair was getting to the awkward point where I started wearing a hat everyday. As much as I try to grow it out, once this stage hits, all I want to do is cut it off. So, back to the faux-hawk for me. I'm certainly no stylist but I can rock the faux-hawk.
By Saturday, I was pretty exhausted but managed to go find some new jeans for winter at the mall. I despise the mall...any mall. I suppose I'm the type that wants to get in and get out. I haven't found a mall yet that would accommodate me with this. Seriously, if the mall had stores that had a self-checkout, I'd be there all the time. The experience wasn't completely tragic, although, I did hit a minor snag. When I tried on my soon to be new jeans, I'd taken my phone and keys out of my pockets. After choosing which pairs I wanted, I put my old jeans back on and went to pay for my prize. I got checked out fairly quickly even though the sales clerk was trying to push a credit card at me. I decided then to see about finding a NY Giants shirt for me and a Jets shirt for Sara. After going to the other end of the mall, I didn't see a darn thing that would work. I guess that's what happens when you live in a state that loves their Redskins, Cowboys, and Steelers. What's a girl to do? I wandered back to the store I'd parked in front of and reached for my keys. Uh....keys...where did I put my....NO!!!! I'd left them in the dressing room. So there I went at a frantic speed-walking pace back to JC Penny praying to God that my keys were still there. Upon a breathless arrival, someone had occupied the dressing room I had used previously. I took a few deep breaths pondering what to do. I decided to check with Guest Services to see what they might have. What do ya know? My keys were sitting right there on the counter. Whew! I picked them up and jingled them a bit to get the clerks attention. She looked at me and said, "Yep, I knew she'd be back. Can't get very far with out those now can ya?" Haha..I suppose it's funny now but at the time I felt like coming over the counter and yelling, "Look lady, I have been all over this place today and I haven't eaten in about seven hours. You do not want to mess with me right now." But, I just thanked her and made my way back to my car.
Later in the afternoon, we drove out to Blackstone to celebrate Sara's brother's birthday. Ever since the "loosing my keys incident", I'd developed a bad headache. But I didn't want to miss out on the redneck volleyball games and all the delicious food that has fattened me up since moving here. This is most likely when the bronchitis was about to attack. After sitting out in the cold all night in shorts and a t-shirt and watching the antics of Binghamville volleyball, my headache started to dissipate but my chest began hurting. I figured I'd just need to get warmed up and get some sleep.
Sunday, it hit...hard...with a fury. I couldn't breathe, my chest felt as if someone was sitting on me, my head hurt a little, my body ached, and my nose was stuffy. I was upset that I'd miss church for the third week in a row but I didn't want to chance getting anyone sick. I tried to relax on the couch and drink plenty of water. Relaxing is hard to do when you're drinking so much. Every time I got back to the couch, I'd have to get right back up to use the bathroom. Anyway, Sara when off to hang out with some co-workers and watch football so I had the place to myself. I was okay until the chills set in. By that time, Sara walked through the door with a variety of soups and Gatorade. That's my girl! When she realized it was hot in the apartment and I was wrapped in a blanket, she knew it was serious. I'm always too hot and very rarely cold (it's an Arizona thing). She got me to eat some soup, take a shower, and then get dressed to go to Patient First. I can't stand that place but I knew it was serious enough that I needed to get some medication. I'll spare you all the details of the visit but I came out with a basket full of medicines and they even let us take a box of Kleenex.
That brings me to today, Monday again. I'm bummed that I had to stay home from classes but I know that I needed the rest. I hope I feel well enough to go tomorrow. There's Math and Spanish that I really don't want to miss.
I think God may be telling me to slow down and I'm going to try and be thankful for the time off. He does make all things work together for my good. Romans 8:28
"I can only speak with a grateful heart, as I'm pierced by the gift of Your love. I will always bring an offering. I can never thank You enough." Jeremy Camp
Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Stand In The Rain
"She never slows down. She doesn't know why but she knows that when she's all alone, feels like it's all coming down. She won't turn around. The shadows are long and she fears if she cries that first tear, the tears will not stop raining down." -Superchick
It's real. I'm in college. I now know why I didn't do so well the first time around. I was young, away from the comforts of home, going through a very confusing time, and I felt like I didn't have any friends that would understand what I was dealing with. I went through a lot of anxiety and depression that first time away from home. Some say I just couldn't hack it. Some say I did my best with the cards I was dealt. I say I wasn't ready.
Forgive me for venting a little but this past week and the start of this week have been the hardest for me so far. Everything kind of sunk in, I guess. I started getting that anxious feeling again. I believe there was even a hint of depression knocking on the door, telling me I wasn't smart enough, strong enough, or deserving enough to try college again. I thought the long weekend would help a little to clear my mind. I'd have plenty of time to get my school work done and hang out with my partner, Sara. But things didn't go according to plan....
Thursday was the start of my Labor Day weekend and it started off just fine. I got to catch up with a great friend over a smoothie and excellent conversation (Thanks, Sally!). Then Sara, her friend from work, and I went to see the infamous Flying Squirrels (Minor League Baseball for those that don't know) in one of their last games of the season. We had a great time, got to enjoy fireworks, and the Squirrels won the game in the bottom of the ninth. How sweet is that?
Friday was supposed to be my homework day. I had an appointment in the morning but decided that I would work on everything when I got home. I can say that I started to work on homework but of course I got distracted and HAD to call Mom to update her on what my new doctor said. We chatted for a while and all of a sudden I heard the key giggling in the door. It was Sara, home from work early, to pick me up to go see our friend's newborn baby. We rushed out the door, into her car, and we were off in a flash. We had gotten to the entrance to the parking lot of the hospital when...wait for it....Sara's car shut off. Yep, right in the middle of the street. So I pushed, okay, WE pushed the car towards the curb and out of the way of traffic. Sara called AAA and about an hour later, the tow truck showed up to haul her baby (the Subaru) away. On a bright note, we did get to meet a sweet little girl who was only one day old. The day was saved by that new tiny human! I, on the other hand, didn't get much work done.
Saturday seemed to bring more distractions like driving Sara to work, laundry, dishes, picking up Sara from work, etc. I sure wish some of these things would take care of themselves but I know it wouldn't appease my OCD. One more day down, two more to try again.
Sunday, we missed church simply because neither Sara nor I were feeling well. We had a long day ahead and wanted to rest up a little before we got it started. Cleaning the aquarium (it's a 270-gallon for two turtles. Extreme? Nah!), grocery shopping, and homework were on the "To Do" list. The aquarium got clean but not much of anything else. Humph!
Monday brought about a new day of wondrous possibilities (enter sarcastic voice here). Although, we did manage to get the grocery shopping done and I was able to finish up everything due for Tuesday. Ah! Finally, I felt at peace. No, wait...Spanish!! I forgot about the Spanish test on Tuesday. Doh! Sara thought I was prepared but I'm not always as confident. Needless to say, it was a toss-and-turn kind of sleep for me.
I guess a productive yet relaxing long weekend wasn't really meant to be this time. But it made me realize that I need to learn to prioritize and balance my life so I don't end up either dropping out of college...again, or start chasing imaginary butterflies at the funny farm with my equally imaginary over-sized net.
I've come a long way since that first Freshman year of college. Now look at me! I'm thirty-four years old (still look like I'm maybe 20ish...on a good day), and I'm starting over again. I'm giving it another shot. This time I'll hack it. This time I will do my best no matter what. This time I'm ready.
"So stand in the rain. Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain. You won't drown. And one day, what's lost can be found." -Superchick
It's real. I'm in college. I now know why I didn't do so well the first time around. I was young, away from the comforts of home, going through a very confusing time, and I felt like I didn't have any friends that would understand what I was dealing with. I went through a lot of anxiety and depression that first time away from home. Some say I just couldn't hack it. Some say I did my best with the cards I was dealt. I say I wasn't ready.
Forgive me for venting a little but this past week and the start of this week have been the hardest for me so far. Everything kind of sunk in, I guess. I started getting that anxious feeling again. I believe there was even a hint of depression knocking on the door, telling me I wasn't smart enough, strong enough, or deserving enough to try college again. I thought the long weekend would help a little to clear my mind. I'd have plenty of time to get my school work done and hang out with my partner, Sara. But things didn't go according to plan....
Thursday was the start of my Labor Day weekend and it started off just fine. I got to catch up with a great friend over a smoothie and excellent conversation (Thanks, Sally!). Then Sara, her friend from work, and I went to see the infamous Flying Squirrels (Minor League Baseball for those that don't know) in one of their last games of the season. We had a great time, got to enjoy fireworks, and the Squirrels won the game in the bottom of the ninth. How sweet is that?
Friday was supposed to be my homework day. I had an appointment in the morning but decided that I would work on everything when I got home. I can say that I started to work on homework but of course I got distracted and HAD to call Mom to update her on what my new doctor said. We chatted for a while and all of a sudden I heard the key giggling in the door. It was Sara, home from work early, to pick me up to go see our friend's newborn baby. We rushed out the door, into her car, and we were off in a flash. We had gotten to the entrance to the parking lot of the hospital when...wait for it....Sara's car shut off. Yep, right in the middle of the street. So I pushed, okay, WE pushed the car towards the curb and out of the way of traffic. Sara called AAA and about an hour later, the tow truck showed up to haul her baby (the Subaru) away. On a bright note, we did get to meet a sweet little girl who was only one day old. The day was saved by that new tiny human! I, on the other hand, didn't get much work done.
Saturday seemed to bring more distractions like driving Sara to work, laundry, dishes, picking up Sara from work, etc. I sure wish some of these things would take care of themselves but I know it wouldn't appease my OCD. One more day down, two more to try again.
Sunday, we missed church simply because neither Sara nor I were feeling well. We had a long day ahead and wanted to rest up a little before we got it started. Cleaning the aquarium (it's a 270-gallon for two turtles. Extreme? Nah!), grocery shopping, and homework were on the "To Do" list. The aquarium got clean but not much of anything else. Humph!
Monday brought about a new day of wondrous possibilities (enter sarcastic voice here). Although, we did manage to get the grocery shopping done and I was able to finish up everything due for Tuesday. Ah! Finally, I felt at peace. No, wait...Spanish!! I forgot about the Spanish test on Tuesday. Doh! Sara thought I was prepared but I'm not always as confident. Needless to say, it was a toss-and-turn kind of sleep for me.
I guess a productive yet relaxing long weekend wasn't really meant to be this time. But it made me realize that I need to learn to prioritize and balance my life so I don't end up either dropping out of college...again, or start chasing imaginary butterflies at the funny farm with my equally imaginary over-sized net.
I've come a long way since that first Freshman year of college. Now look at me! I'm thirty-four years old (still look like I'm maybe 20ish...on a good day), and I'm starting over again. I'm giving it another shot. This time I'll hack it. This time I will do my best no matter what. This time I'm ready.
"So stand in the rain. Stand your ground. Stand up when it's all crashing down. You stand through the pain. You won't drown. And one day, what's lost can be found." -Superchick
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