You Never Let Go

"Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, Your perfect love is casting out all fear. And even when I'm caught in the middle of the storms of this life, I won't turn back. I know You are near. And I will fear no evil for my God is with me. And if my God is with me, whom then shall I fear? Whom then shall I fear?" - Matt Redman

As I sit here at my computer on this New Year's Eve day, memories of 2012 are flooding through my mind. I don't recall everything that happened but I remember most of the good, the bad, and the ugly. There were moments that captured my heart, memories that will always make me smile, and reflections of complete terror. I've made new friends, started college all over again, and grown closer to God through all of it.

2012 started off just as any other year has for the most part. I really don't remember much of the winter accept our first snow arriving around the end of January. I had a little bit of temporary work throughout the spring and into the beginning of summer. In June, I visited my brother in California and we all drove to Phoenix in July to visit with our parents and to witness my brother graduating with a Bachelor's from University of Phoenix. There was a health scare with my mom but everything turned out great thanks to many prayers and the grace of God. 

During the summer, I'd received news that I had been awarded financial aid to attend John Tyler Community College. I don't remember ever wanting...really wanting to go to school but I was so excited to get started. I began in August and it's truly been amazing. I first thought I was too old to go back to school but with an incredible support system, I've conquered that fear. In fact, I received all A's last semester for the first time in my life. I hope to continue that trend into 2013 and beyond.

In September, the country remembered 9/11. October brought a mad-man that went into a movie theater in Colorado, killing 12 people and wounding 58. Later in October, Hurricane Sandy devastated parts of New Jersey and New York. In November, we voted in the Presidential election and were inundated with more commercials for the event than ever before. On December 12, 28 people died after a 20 year-old young man entered Sandy Hook Elementary School armed with a couple guns and a lot of rage. The one common factor all of these events have is that God was watching. With the exception of the election (but ya never know), God's heart was breaking along with ours. So let's praise God for being with us through these tragic times instead of blaming Him for them. We have nothing to fear in this life because God is with us. Even though we all go through hard times (some harder than others), who would we be if we didn't go through them? The hard stuff helps us learn lessons, makes us stronger, and many times it brings us closer to God.

Now for some happier moments...

I arrived home yesterday morning from spending Christmas with my family in Arizona. I couldn't have pictured a more amazing time surrounded by my loved ones. I was blown away at how each member of my family accepted Sara as part of our family. It was the first time we'd visited Phoenix together and stayed at my parent's home. We were both a little nervous as to how everything would go. However, once we saw my parents waiting on the curb of the airport to pick us up, all of my fears washed away. Both Mom and Dad gave each of us a big hug and welcomed us. It was a moment that I won't forget. I was witness to my parents love for God by the way they loved on us for the whole ten days we were together. 

While in Phoenix, Sara got to meet my brother, his wife, and my nephew for the first time. Nico (my nephew) fell in love with Sara. Every time she would greet him, he'd smile and giggle. At one point, he even let her hold him while his eyes got heavy after she'd walked with him around the house. Yep, he's starting to walk (with some assistance). It was one of the sweetest experiences of our trip. Our toughest task was saying goodbye. Sara left on Christmas night and Nico gave her "cabesita" (meaning 'little head'), this is when Nico puts his head against her's (his version of giving kisses), before he went to bed. We both teared up with Nico's adorable actions. As we went to my parent's car to put Sara's bag in the trunk, everyone gave Sara a hug goodbye and the tears almost started again. I think she had a great time.

The day after Christmas, it was my brother's turn to go back home. We had a wonderful lunch at NYPD Pizza (something I wish we had in VA) and Nico charmed the waitresses as usual. We got all their stuff packed in their car and a sleepy Nico gave us all "cabesitas" before they left. I swear, that kid has made me more emotional than I've ever been. I'm a very blessed auntie! The rest of the day was a little sad as we all wished for just one more day together. 

Thursday was off to a great start as I got to have a nice visit with a friend and a fabulous lunch at Comedor Gudalajara (probably never going to get in VA). Afterwards I stopped in to see my former boss in her new environment. We talked for quite a while and I'm overwhelmed with the blessings in each of our lives we were able to reflect on. She says she's inspired by me but I hope she knows that she's a part of who I am today. Thank you, Teresa, for making me say out loud "I'm worth it" all those times I thought you were a little nuts. I love you. 

Friday, my mom and I went to visit my aunt in Tempe. As I get older and since I've become an aunt myself, I'm learning to cherish every moment I have with her. I don't get to see her often and email just isn't the same. We all had a great time catching up and I thank God for the opportunity to do so. After getting back to my parent's house, it was off I went again. I was able to spend my last evening in Phoenix with some of my best guy friends (my boys). We played some darts (I won 3 games in a row. Sorry David.) and drank a few beers at an old hang-out. The laughter and time together was much needed. My boys rock!

I was supposed to leave Saturday morning but due to weather, my connecting flight had been canceled. So, I called the airline and was able to get an overnight flight with a connection that would have me home Sunday mid-morning. All I can say is that Newark's airport was a nightmare. And after my first flight from Phoenix, sitting in the middle, between a older lady with her elbow in my rib cage and a Hell's Angel with the need for both armrests and a shot of vodka, I wasn't in the mood to deal with a drafty terminal in below freezing temperatures. Unfortunately, there's more to this story that wasn't pleasant but at least I can laugh about it now...sort of. 

So as 2012 comes to an end, know that God is with you, He loves you, and that you are blessed. Don't let fear come between you and living your life. God keeps His promises and since He is with us, we have nothing to fear for we will see Him on our final day. Finally, tell those that are your friends and family how much you love them and then really love them. Let the light of Jesus shine from within and people will see Him in you. 

"Oh no, You never let go, through the calm and through the storm. Oh no, You never let go, in every high and every low. Oh no, You never let go. Lord, You never let go of me. And I can see a light that is coming for the heart that hold on, a glorious light beyond all compare. And there will be an end to these troubles but until that day comes, we'll live to know You here on earth." - Matt Redman