Broken

"I'm hangin' on another day just to see what You throw my way. And I'm hanging on to the words You say. You said that I will be okay. The broken lights on the freeway, left me here alone. I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home." - Lifehouse

I've learned in the past few weeks that we are all broken. There are those that acknowledge they are broken and those that don't acknowledge they are broken...but we are all broken. I'm definitely broken in many ways. After some thought provoking discussions this past week, I've come to the conclusion that the more broken one is, the more pieces one has to share with those around them. Say for instance there's someone you think has it all together and maybe you admire or envy them, but how much can you really learn from that person? Then there's that other person that seems alright on the outside most of the time but then they share with you their inside...and it's messy. I don't know about anyone else but I think we come to respect the person sharing their messiness with us more than the one that seems to be "whole". I think we can learn from them, not only to be open about the messy stuff, but to learn from their past and make a better future.

I shared some of my brokenness in my small group last Monday. I admit that I was a little vague but those that know me well knew exactly what I was talking about. Part of my brokenness was caused by someone else. And even though it was felt on my end as well as theirs', that part of me and them, is now healing. I'd put a figurative band-aid over this wound for many years. I suppose they had, too. After years, conversations, and emails, that band-aid had been ripped off and now has some figurative Neosporen on it. As I shared, I realized how blessed my life really was and is. I made it through a very hard time in my life. The only one that stayed true and never left my side was God. During this trial, I felt alone, ashamed, shunned. Even though I thought my brokenness would cast me away from God, it actually drew me closer to Him. It's because of God's faithfulness that I didn't take my own life when I was 18 years old. It's because of God's grace that he forgives me for being broken. It's because of God's sacrifice that I will be made whole again when I get to Heaven. At that time, all my tears will be wiped away, I will have no more fears, and I will have no more pain. Can I get an AMEN?

With all of this said, my acknowledgement of my brokenness out there, I am blessed. It's sometimes difficult to thank God when I'm going through something painful but I know that I'm going through that painful time because someone else might benefit from it down the road. Maybe that person is reading this right now. Maybe that person is you. To all that are reading this, remember to hold on to God no matter how broken you feel. Even though you may be barely hanging on, you're blessed because you're still hanging on.

"I'm falling apart, I'm barley breathing. With a broken heart that's still beating. In the pain, there is healing. I'n Your name I find meaning. So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm barely holdin' on to you." - Lifehouse